Boulder Aish Kodesh

The Midrash is perplexed by Ya’akov’s motives for creating an encounter with Eisav. The refrain in the Midrash is “he was minding his own business, and you had to get him all riled up.” At one point Eisav is compared to a dog that is sleeping that Ya’akov grabs by the ears. Leave him alone!

But, to me, Ya’akov’s motives are obvious. He must have seen through his time with Lavan that his life is still dominated by his relationship, or lack thereof, with Eisav. As we know, twins have a special connection. And, besides, Ya’akov cannot fully accept the blessings he is given until Eisav accepts that they are rightfully Ya’akov’s.

So, he wants an encounter. This is truly admirable. How many of us are dominated by one issue or another that never lets us alone to have healthy relationships? How many of us can, effectively, boil all of our difficulties down to one major issue or relationship that dominates us? And what are we doing about it?

We cannot save that encounter for when ‘the time is right’ because it may never be right. As we saw at the end of Vayetze, even when Ya’akov prepares to confront Lavan, Lavan does not give in. And he does not make it easy for Ya’akov. If I am in an unhealthy relationship, do I imagine that, one day, that unhealthy relationship will create an opening for me to deal with its dysfunction? It doesn’t seem like dysfunctional relationships ever really create a ‘right time’ in an absolute way. There may be a relatively good time – when you are ready and confident and resolute to say your piece.

Remember, the month of Kislev is characterized by anger – not the unhealthy kind, but the healthy frustration – “I have had enough.” There are times to rock the boat.